While that picture of the jalapeno mac ‘n cheese dog I ate last year was more than 1 person can handle, I say it is the polar opposite of what people would think about for their New Years’ resolutions. Traditionally the resolution for the new year was to correct something in one’s life that needs to be corrected. It is a spring board of positiveness that we use to help fix the part of our lives we feel needs fixing. Most of the time it involves our health. Whether it might be a stand on a diet or working out more, it is something most Americans chose to make as their New Years’ resolution. I am no different.
I have lost so much weight over the years of my life that it depresses me that I just can’t take the bull by the horns and make it a permanent routine for a healthier lifestyle. I have lost over 50 pounds at least 6 times in my life. Each time putting the pounds back on and then some. I got so frustrated with it, that I had lapband surgery back in November 2006. It was great the first 9 months, but I quickly realized I was failing it in my choices and was having a lot more trouble maintaining than I anticipated. Now I am coming close after 5 plus years post-surgery to getting back to where I once was. If I had more discipline and better drive I would have kept most of the weight off and been healthier for it. BUT, as most overweight people will do, they will give up and just enjoy the food because, hey, it takes so damn good. I gave up.
Despite giving up, and I have done so many times over, (hence the years of successful weight loss which led to weight gain), I am at a point in my life that pain has crept back into my legs and back and I need to do something about it. I have to be realistic, I know how hard the dieting has been for me. I have to take baby steps, and tackle the things that give me the biggest problems first. Sugar. At the stroke of midnight on New Year’s Day, I will give up all soda, regular and diet, and give up any form of sweets like candy, cake and for me my biggest achilles heel – ice cream. I have this huge caffeine fix that I should not have in reliance to cola, and I had stopped after the surgery for 2 plus years, but slowly it has taken me over. So much so I would leave the house just to get me a 7-11 Big Gulp. Ice Cream, well I love the stuff, so I miss it, but I know I can do without it, I did for years when I was on the Adkins Diet. That was the most successful diet I ever was on, but got off of it when a gym trainer said I would not gain muscle while on it. That led me to add on 100 pounds in less than 6 months and end my days at the gym. Not again.
It is a harsh statement about myself, but the one thing I can not stand about my life is the way I look. I hate feeling fat, but even more I can not stand looking fat. The Buddah nickname was obviously bestowed upon me for my weight. It took time to embrace it and I have. It is now a part of who I am, but it doesn’t mean that I like being shaped like the almighty Buddha. I am a single guy with no female partnerships, no kids, and no drive to correct it because I have given up on that part of my life for so long that I often ignore how my life could be filled with a spouse and children. People can fill my head with all the positives in the world, but the realty is, and has always been for me, I can not be happy unless I feel happy about myself when I look in the mirror. I have been there, and I would like to get that back. All in good time.
So on January 1st, 2012, I will take steps, baby steps to start, but steps in the right direction. A course to get me to a better place where I can try to get myself a healthier lifestyle and more confident outlook. It will start with eliminating sugar from most of my food and drink. Including spicy food and products that I love. Benito, no more spicy pepper infused maple syrup! No more sweet sauces or spicy brownies/blondies! Sniff sniff. Hopefully, I will be able to lose another 50 pounds, and this time keep it off for good.
Do you have a resolution to share? Maybe not as honest as I just did. Hell, you guys are probably thinking about making yourself one of those fattening jalapeno mac ‘n cheese dogs. Happy New Year everyone. May it be filled with promise, success and happiness!